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by Page N16 Editions Issue 16
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| . | Paul Whitehouse, comedian and creator of the TV series The Fast Show, used to work for Hackney Council. He has said that he used some of his experience there to devise lines for the programme. Unfortunately, the monthly Council meeting is not as witty, fastmoving or original. Despite this, it's one of the hottest tickets in town. It must be, because you have to have ,proper authority' to be allowed to write about it. I had just sat down at the press table in the council chamber when a formidable-looking woman descended from the platform and asked, 'Who are you?' 'Why are you here?' 'Where's your press pass?' I tried to explain that everything had been arranged that morning with the Council Press Office and that I attended regularly in my humble role as a scribe for N16 magazine. That cut no ice. 'Well, I've never seen you before, so don't try that one.' Eventually, Council Leader Jules Pipe, who had wandered over for a chat, rescued me. I explained to him our little misunderstanding and the nice lady, who is apparently employed in something called 'Hackney Democratic Services', retreated, saying 'I'll see you afterwards.' What did she mean? Perhaps she wanted to democratically service me even more thoroughly. A frightening prospect. The meeting kicked off with the usual hubbub of points of order, complaints and obscure
accusations. The worst of it came If the Lib Dems are stroppy, the Tories seem to be sulking since their unwritten pact with Labour fell apart. The ruling party now has a slight air of smugness about it - a typical New Labour characteristic - and they ask each other selfcongratulatory questions. Bluff Eric Ollerenshaw rose for the Tories. He was incensed on behalf of Hackney's ethnic minorities. Eric is from Yorkshire. The authors of the 'Report of the Joint Team to Consider a New Body to Manage and Deliver Education Services in Hackney' (whew!) had recommended that the board of the new trust representing 'stakeholders' in Hackney education should be selected - rather like the new House of Lords. They said that Hackney's communities were too diverse to be elected on to the managing body. Eric put the boot in. It was Labour's fault; if Hackney had been all white, the board members would have been elected but because the borough is multicultural, apparently democracy is not appropriate. 'Disgraceful!' Andrew Bridgewater leads the Lib Dems. He is articulate but has a peculiar speaking posture. His left hand moves up and down as if he's pulling on an invisible toilet chain, while his upper body bends back and forth. After mentioning the attack on the World Trade Center, he was brought back to the point by the intervention of the mayor. He immediately lost his train of thought but recovered to call that part of the report 'a complete scandal'. Mildmannered - but increasingly confident - Jules Pipe (is there a Superman outfit under that sober threepiece suit?) replied that the proposals in the report were made by the authors, not the Labour Party. That was that. Green leader (he leads himself) Chit Chong, had criticised Tony Blair for concentrating on Afghanistan instead of Hackney. Didn't he know that terrifying poverty-stricken people and flattening buildings in this borough is the job of the Council, not our warrior prime minister? Then something strange happened. The Standards Committee had found that exMayor, Joe Lobenstein, had not declared an interest in buildings in Stamford Hill when he sat on the planning committee. This was against the rules. However, it recommended no action against him. Led by Labour's Reverend Andrew Windross (a real vicar) the usually warring, feuding, abusive councillors threw a warm comfort blanket around Joe's shoulders. There but for the grace of God ... It could have been anyone of us ... was the theme. Joe's wrists weren't even slapped; they were stroked. He sat silently, eyes turned upwards, a saint in councillor's clothing. We waited for Julie Andrews to step forward and sing a number from one of her lovely films. After a short but heated discussion, and by a vote of 27-25, the meeting decided on cuts of £50 million in services. This includes £8.7 million from the education budget. Just another brick in the wall. The local elections take place next May and the parties - who are now trawling for candidates - will soon be showing off their political clothes. Remember the tailors from hell in The Fast Show? 'Oh yes, Sir."Very nice, Sir.' 'Suit you, Sir' Something like that, anyway. |
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from the Lib Dems - some of whom are nice
people who seem enraged that they do not have their hands on the levers of power (actually
nobody does, except the government) and they interrupt loudly and continually. They are
rather like the castrati, eunuchs in old Italian operas, employed to sing in a
high-pitched voice but signifying very little. It was noticeable that, for once, the
public gallery was quieter than the council chamber and nobody was chucked out. What's
gone wrong? Come on, comrades.