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p25
It is a truth seldom acknowledged that a man in mortal peril for his soul
will often feel the urging of certain appetites, as if he could compensate for the
immediate danger of extinction by an act of generation. To my surprise I found myself
answering with a roguish smile: 'Why, madam, I do for any party that will pay me for my
scribblings. But now I am lost and, like Vergil, I need a Beatrice to guide my spirit
through this foreign land.'
The other woman, to what end I have never been able to discern, opened her cherry lips and
said: 'Fruitcake.' By chance it was the random utterance of a disordered mind. God save
us, I thought, perhaps we were hurtling towards some new Bedlam. 'Stylishly sustained
fruitcake though', said the first woman even more mysteriously. 'Madam', said I, 'I know
not about this confection to which you and your beauteous friend make reference, but I do
know from my humble efforts at verisimilitude for my work, Moll Flanders, something about
pleasure. Is it possible,' I lowered my voice to a discreet whisper, 'that you are gay
ladies?' 'None of your business', said the nasally bejewelled woman, 'but as it happens
we're proud to be gay. Do you have some problem with that?' 'No, madame, indeed not', I
said. 'In fact I have a guinea in my pocket, and would be happy to get off this frantic
carriage and discuss our further commerce in some private room if you could recommend one.
I fear my acquaintanceship with the area may not be current.'
Readers will struggle to give credence to what happened next, but I swear to it by all
that's holy. Instead of haggling with that delightful mix of concupiscence and
flinty-heartedness that characterises the many charming working women of Drury Lane, this
creature drew her fist and smote me with incredible force upon the chin.
Instantly I fell into an endless pool of darkness. When I awoke it was to the familiar
smells of ale and pheasant pie, a pleasing speciality of The Knackered Horse, and also to
the sound of my friend MacWilliam discoursing yet again on those flaws that undermine the
Act of Union to the detriment of his fellow Scots. Yet every word I have set down here is
the truth, and I leave it to posterity to decide if I had for a moment lost my mind or if,
as I suspect, some weird mechanism had carried me through time itself.
SOUTH INDIAN RESTAURANT
A special offer to introduce the new menu at Abi Ruchi, with a variety
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advantage of this special offer - a free bottle of house wine with every meal for two.
Available Sunday to Thursday only. Please book in advance.
'An important addition to the Church Street line-up' Charles Campion, ES
Magazine
Selected by The Guardian as one of the UK's top 40 restaurants in 2001
Also available: takeaway service, outside catering and special lunch menu
Opening hours:
12pm - 2.30pm (seven days);
6pm - 11pm (Sun - Thu),
6pm - 11.30pm (Fri - Sat)
42 Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 0LU
Tel / fax: 020 7923 4564
SPECIAL OFFER |
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- Organic and eco-fabrics by the metre
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Tel 0207 241 0990
fax 0207 241 1991
email:jag@textilesfromnature
www.textilesfromnature.com
84 Stoke Newington Church Street
London N16 0AP
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