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p35
 O, for a draught of
vintage!...
So just what is it with bubbly, sweetie? We're splashing out three, four and five times
what we normally spend on a bottle of wine and ending up with something that doesn't even
necessarily taste as nice because it's got some bubbles in it? Don't get me wrong, good
shampoo is bubblicious, but a lot of what we drink is simply bubblawful. There's one good
physiological reason, and several psychological ones, for this enduring folly. The fact is
that bubbles get you drunker, faster hence the thrill, the buzz, the squeals of
delight. The effervescence stimulates the lining of the stomach into a frenzy of action
and the bubbles provide a greater surface area of booze for it to work on. So you absorb
more of it more quickly. That's the gastric aspect, but the real reasons are further
north, somewhere in the mind. Admittedly, Champagne is somewhat more expensive to produce
than other wines, but the reality is that if it weren't expensive it wouldn't be
extravagant and we open a bottle of pop because we want to be extravagant.
That hath been cool'd a long age...
This is all very well, but begs the question where we can we get the good fizz for no
money?
I didn't think Champers could be had for £8.99, but Safeway proved me wrong with their
appropriately-named Bourgeois NV. Frankly, I was a bit scared at this proposition and
squeezed out another pound for Albert Etienne NV (also halves @ £7.99 so that's not a
very good idea is it?) and was pleasantly surprised. If you're going for quantity and it
has to say Champagne on the label you could do a lot worse the nose is a little yeasty
and it's relatively dark in colour, but there are abundant, if rather short-lived, bubbles
and it has nicely rounded, if slightly bland, fruit. Moving upscale a little, they have
the slightly naff (naffest is Lanson) but very drinkable Mumm Cordon Rouge NV at £14.99
nicely crisp but it could become a little acidic after your first half-a-dozen glasses.
'Bubbles, like breasts,
are better on the smallish side'
In the deep-delvèd earth ...
Oddbins have a great range of 'poo, including some class acts at the lower
end of the range they'll have some Christmas deals going down but details were not
available as we went to press. For the time being, Henri Harlin Brut NV (£14.99) is
always good value and has some of the bready nose and nutty flavours of more expensive
marques. Personally, I'd stump the extra quid again for Bonnet Brut Heritage NV it's a
little more overtly fruity but still with a nice toasty roundness and plenty of small
bubbles. Bubbles, like breasts, are better on the smallish side you don't get any more
of them but they do tend to last better.
With beaded bubbles winking at the rim...
If you're going to spend a bit more, you're in 'Grande Marque' territory
with all the Möets and Bollingers and Heidsiecks and a dozen others jostling for your
attention. Which to go for? With clean, crisp, toasty Veuve Clicquot on offer at £18.99
at Clissold Wines and Safeway, for my money it's a no-brainer.
THE VORTEX
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OPEN
EVERY
EVENING
FOR
GREAT
JAZZ
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Please ring for details
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If you begrudge the Champenois their Euros, Pelorus Vintage 1998 (Clissold
Wines; £14.99) comes with a good pedigree, being made by the illustrious Kiwis of Cloudy
Bay fame. It's a big, pink strumpet in an All Blacks miniskirt this ain't champagne,
and it's proud of it. It has loads of tight bubbles and rounded oak to offset the bright,
slightly honeyed Chardonnay fruit and it'll give anything French at the same price a good
run for its money.
If you've blown all your bread on pressies but still need some bubbles then Prosecco
Domenico de Bertial is a trivial £4.99 and, as my tasting partner said, 'would be yummy
for a 13-year old'. Bigly-bubbled, it's not really a celebratory glass, being rather
aggressively sherbetty and acidic but would be fine for a nine o'clock start on the Buck's
Fizz or Bellinis.
There's something slightly un-nerving about a glass of red wine with a head on it, but
Banrock Station Sparkling Shiraz (£7.99) has more than mere novelty value. Love it or
loathe it, it's a big blow-up bimbo full of ripe New World fruit which gushes down quite
nicely.
How about £13.99 for a ten-year-old Vintage champagne with a lovely, silky body, a little
brioche on the nose, masses of itsy-bitsy little bubbles, lots of firm fruit and perhaps
even a touch of honey on the end? '`E's `avin' a laugh', I hear you snort but no, it's
Lelac 1992 and I'd scoot down to Clissold Wines and grab some if I were you.
If you really want to taste something great then find an excuse or, better yet, a
person to spend a hundred quid or so on a bottle of Dom Perignon 1990. You'll probably
never want to drink anything else ever again so you'll be relieved to know that you can't,
to my knowledge, buy it in N16.
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