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In this issue

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The Fringe...
...the Festival
Martin Rowson
News in Brief
Readers Letters
Park Life
News in Brief
Dissent
Tapas Time
Back to the Fringe
Straight to the Point
Royal Bengal
Handy Contacts
Summertime Blues
Summery Justice
Up the Junction
Books/Poetry
The Factory
Summer Allergies
Farmers Market
The Arts
Away Days
A Royal Visit
Coffee Corner
Surfing N16
Man in North Bank
XWord
View from the Lane

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It was a depressing season, even by Spurs’ standards.

The Blackburn programme, on the final day, recalled our heading the Premiership in August (woo-hoo!) alongside a photo-gallery of the season’s finer moments. All 12 of them. It failed to mention the ultragalling cup defeats to Burnley (1-2) and Southampton (0-4) or our run-in form, which would shortly read LLLWDLWLLL.

Season tickets were lobbed on to the pitch. After Blackburn’s fourth, while their fans savoured the prospect of European football, there were calls for Hoddle’s head. A majority, fuelled by blind loyalty, shouted them down.

But aren’t we entitled to expect something in return? As usual, Schadenfreude and Steffen Freund were our only friends. West Brom were going down with the West Ham, Sunderland weren’t very good and losing to Manchester United effectively handed them the Premiership.Ha-ha. It’s a short laugh.

Positives:
• Signing Robbie Keane. When he was injured – Hoddle having only recently let both Rebrov and Ferdinand go - we were left with Gary Doherty, who looked more petrified than us at the prospect. Without Keane, his 13 goals and work-rate, we’d have battled relegation.
•  Kasey Keller – with King, Richards, Perry or Gardner before him, how on earth did we keep just five Premiership clean sheets all season?
• Simon Davies, despite his catching the malaise.
•  Not losing to Chelsea.

Selected Negatives:
• It looked so good for Redknapp. Then his foot hurt.
• Ziege’s injuries. Ten appearances, two goals, including that free kick.
• Our form since Christmas. We lost to Bolton and West Ham, among others, and capitulated shockingly against Man City, Boro and Blackburn. The rumours of a dressing-room mutiny seemed entirely credible.

Out – Bunjevcevic, Acimovic, Thatcher and Anderton can all go. The first three aren’t up to it and Shaggy looks shagged. And why did we buy Toda? Oh yes, he gives good shirt. The jury’s still out on Etherington (not as good as he thinks he is). Poyet disappears from games but scores goals, so he’d better stay. And how did Carr make the season’s Premiership XI? He used to look dangerous on the break, but no one shouts ‘Shoot!’ any longer. He can go if he must – at least St James’s Park isn’t down the road. But who will take his place?

In – With an £8 million kitty and no European place, realistically we must take what we can get. The speculation is depressing. We’re desperate for strikers, ideally a ruthless target-man to partner Keane. Gudjohnsen and Solskjaer were targets; inevitably neither came. Ricketts didn’t either, which shows too clearly how unglamorous the Lane has become. Hoddle reportedly wants our favourite ‘fat Aussie bastard’ Mark Viduka (won’t come) or Freddie Kanoute (ditto). Von Hoojidonk? Bobby Zamora? I’d take Zamora’s dog, if it can kick and keep its head up.

Hoddle can stay, on one condition. That what’s left of the kitty is spent sending him on an industrial Man-Management Course, focusing on communication and motivation. Seriously. Hoddle couldn’t charm the birds out of the trees if you sprayed him in Trill. I’d pay to watch him orienteering with bespectacled blokes, roleplaying Customer Liaison and jumping up and down shouting ‘I am a winner! I have won!’

Bye-bye Teddy and Steffen. You’ll be missed.

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