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The main man was ready to big it up. Rapper MC Pipey (aka Councillor Jules Pipe, Mayor of Hackney) was about to tell all the good things that he and his bredren on the Council had been doin’ for us Stokey people. Maximum respect was in order.

Well, not quite. This was not cool, cutting edge Stoke Newington or the world of the streets of Dizzee Rascal. Parish pump politics were on the agenda at the meeting of our Neighbourhood Forum. Jules was listed for a session of Q&A, which for him – given the borough’s problems – probably seemed only slightly less daunting than a hard thrashing of S&M. In the event, he answered the questions politely and calmly, although with a distinct tendency to distance himself from anything unpopular. The spectres of Town Hall officials, previous administrations, architects and just about anybody were conjured out of the air when proven cock-ups were mentioned. The Council is now centralised and directly responsible to the Mayor, who has the power of a chief executive in a large corporation, so the buck must surely stop with him.

The big issue was bins. For those of us who were not experts on the various types of rubbish (sorry, waste management) bin, it was a revelation. Apparently there are Brown Bins, Paladin Bins (round), Chamber Bins (square). One wit asked if the latter would fit underneath the bed. There will shortly be a new bin on the block – the ‘Eurobin.’

This was even more startling. Had Brussels imposed this receptacle on us? Why had there been no referendum to see whether the people of Hackney wanted to get rid of the traditional British model in favour of this intruder?

Would the bin that Johnny Foreigner uses – with all his unsavoury habits – fit into the ten foot spaces on the council estates? All this was hypothetical, of course, as there were two main problems: firstly, bins of any type were not always collected and, secondly, their wheels fell off. Jules then went into a riff about council workers not working the hours they were paid for and moved on to the problem of litter. He said that Hackney people seemed to be more prone to dump their chip wrappers on the streets than were residents of other areas, particularly Islington.

We had the most expensive street cleaning in the UK. He said that priority was being given to resurfacing the twenty worst roads in Hackney, after some years of neglect. This includes trendy Church Street where the water and gas suppliers seem to be in permanent competition to dig the longest and deepest holes. Would resurfacing encourage them even more?

The lack of public toilets was raised. This was obviously a frequent topic as the questioner was described by the Chair as ‘our resident toilet watcher.’ If legal, it can’t be a very time consuming activity as, given the Council’s policy to flog off everything it owns, the bogs have probably been converted into luxury subterranean apartments.

Jules became extremely animated when the Clissold Leisure Centre was mentioned. The cost had risen from £9million to £28million. He said there was no need for two pools, the roof was ‘ridiculous,’ the architects were being sued, and whoever had taken the decisions had been ‘mad.’ Hmm… the question sprang to mind as to where Jules and his council colleagues were when those decisions were taken. Wasn’t there power-sharing between Labour and the Tories at the time or were the dreaded Lib Dems in charge? It was rather reminiscent of Macavity, the Mystery Cat. You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square, but when a tales from the parish pump crime’s discovered, the Macavity’s not there!

Ken Worpole of the Clissold Park Users Group spoke persuasively about how the Council should devote more resources to this highly popular open space that is used by over one million people each year. It gets very little revenue compared with other council facilities and people take it for granted. For instance, crummy toilets would not be acceptable in a leisure centre but are regarded as normal in the park. He asked the audience to try to imagine Stoke Newington without the park. To illustrate his points, he showed slides of many of the activities that take place there.

The Neighbourhood Forum is interesting and informative but whether it has any bite is doubtful. The minutes of the previous meeting show that the views of those present were forwarded to the various Council Scrutiny Panels. Let’s hope they don’t end up in the Eurobin.