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Daniel Defoe, former Church Street resident, created Moll
Flanders, one of the most famous mistresses of English literature. Moll would have
sympathised with the trials and tribulations of Camilla Parker Bowles, close friend of our
future king. Phil Bowen's poem, which parodies John Betjeman's famous ode to Miss Joan
Hunter Dunn, records princely passions. We print extracts below:
The Prince’s Love-song
Camilla Parker Bowles, Camilla Parker Bowles,
Horsey and saucy with ponies and foals,
Your keen country instincts, love of the shires,
Gloucestershire mud on the Landrover’s tyres.
Those post-polo flushes; the hoot of the horn,
Initials on the tree where we met at Smith’s Lawn,
And the way it just clicked; a twinning of souls,
And I should have picked Camilla Parker Bowles.
Shared love of the country in Wellington boots,
Watercolours that ran into outdoor pursuits,
‘Au fait’ with closed ranks — politest behaviour
From a family ‘well banked’ from building Belgravia.
‘Hatch, match and dispatch’ — strict entrance by birth,
To be good at a sport the proof of your worth,
Over firm Fosse-Way stiles, oh! those long summer strolls.
How the spotlight now smiles on Camilla Parker Bowles.
Around us, the reptiles, the moles and the leaks,
The valet’s been sacked — not slept well for weeks,
As we men pass the port — deal out the cards,
You in the drawing room arranging charades.
Fast, fast the stag gallops as bullet meets grouse,
I’d drive fifteen miles in the dark to your house.
Bare shoulders and pearls, shot-silk evening gown
Beside the cedars and hedges of Capability Brown.
With your audacious wit, so risque and such fun,
Your earthy good looks so suitable for one.
And I inwardly rage at the Press — those damn proles!
Will I ever be engaged to Camilla Parker Bowles?
Phil Bowen was born in Liverpool and is a writer and performer. His
last collection was Variety’s Hammer published by Stride in 1998. His new book, A
Gallery To Play To: the Story of the Mersey Poets, will be published in November 1999.
Phil stays in Stoke Newington when performing in London.
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