By Hannah Bullock
Illustration by Mick Terry

'I can't believe how many gorgeous guys there are in Stoke Newington', my cousin always says, as she gets off the bus from Holloway Road. Yes, this truly is the Mecca of scrumptious, earthy men. As one guy told meover a pint, 'if you're a musician or an artist, you like houmous or can juggle, it's the place to pull'.

So you might imagine it's Him when your eyes meet over a shelf of tofu in Fresh & Wild. if it weren't for little Matilda tugging at his trouser leg. Someone else always seems to have got there first with the Stokey man.

There's nothing like a walk down Church Street to drive that home - tables for two in the Spence; dreamy couples at the estate agents; and cake for the kids in the park café. The bloke in the pub was right when he said, 'at some point, most men here have to trade in their vintage car for a three-wheeler buggy.'.

Hang on, though - surely there are some eligible young men out there who haven't done the trade-in yet? I mean we're not in the 'burbs, and I'm far too young to be feeling like Bridget Jones. It was thoughts like these that made me ditch the glass of Chardonnay for a reporter's pad last week, and go looking for a singles scene in Stokey.

You'd think the best place to start would be our token 'club' - the old Bar Lorca. But despite the DJs, disco balls and bouncers I wasn't so convinced when, at half nine, the dance floor was scattered with kids scribbling away at the end of their Saturday club. Any men not hanging tough in a baseball cap seemed to be dads grabbing a bit of 'the scene' before bedtime. There is, of course, salsa on a Friday, which I've heard is the new thirty-somethings' clubbing. Not sure if a room full of sweaty men with a licence to grope is my cup of tea. To be honest, just back from holiday in Tunisia, where I deeply regretted not having a burka, I'm quite enjoying the Englishmen's quieter ways.
No, the sensitive single Stokey man is much more likely to be found clad in cords and a stripy sweater drinking a pint. Not in just any old pub, I discovered.

Perched next to the resident spaniels in the Daniel Defoe, I wondered if anyone would have noticed if I'd worn my slippers, even. The Auld Shillelagh seems to have found a happy medium between the carpet and the chrome. I'm told all the barmaids there found their Mr Right whilst working the Guinness taps.

Four ways to jazz up the Stokey singles scene:

1. Make Fresh & Wild as alluring as it sounds, with a notice board dedicated to lonely hearts ads.
   

2.  Bring our gym back, so we can get fit with the blokes.
   

3.  Attract the opposite sex into the Hub of style with a men's clothes range.
   

4. Install more circular bars for a much better view. For me, the Lion's great circular bar set the scene for the one glance of interest I got in Stokey. 

Admittedly, it wasn't until I took up my guitar and sang at the open mic session that anyone actually approached me. Even if you don't want to strut your stuff, those who do readily welcome your attention. 'Can I interest you in a flyer for my gig next week?' is one of the barfly's favourite chat-up line.

So I'm wondering - if jam nights draw in the sexy drummers, the new comedy night at Ryan's Bar must be where you'd find men with a GSOH. And the Prince's quiz night - I'm sure it attracts some worldly-wise gems, as well as the telly addicts.

It's these after-dark pursuits, when the prams are tucked up in the hallway, that give me hope for singletons in N16. But unlike EC1's neon strip, there isn't a prize every time. If we want that laid-back, freethinking Stokey man, he's certainly not going to come on a plate. I think this is going to be more of a slow burn.

New Year's Eve

By Helen Griffiths

'Where are you going for New Year's Eve?' This seemingly innocuous question never fails to fill me with dread annually. It's the toughest of all social engagements I think.

House parties never kick off properly until after midnight and there's bound to be a girl crying on the stairs, dinner parties mean you can only see about eight of your friends, clubs are invariably a disappointment followed by a long and anti-climactic walk home and sodding it all and renting a cottage by the sea involves knowing someone annoying and organised enough to ask the dreaded question in June. 

So by far and away the best plan to see in 2005 is to go out, go local and go accompanied by as many of your favourite people as possible. Here's what's on offer for midnight madness on 31 December so far.

- The Londesborough and The Prince are both planning parties with DJs, late licences and free entry.
- The White Hart, The Birdcage and Blush have had the same idea and at the time of going to press Bar 98 were thinking of doing that too.
- The Rose and Crown have a 24-hour licence but will be shutting the doors at 10.30pm and no more revellers will be allowed in.
- Bagabon's New Year's Eve Party starts with free salsa lessons at 7.30pm and 9.30pm and DJ Jay Jay and guests will be playing salsa disco, latin flavours and r&b from 10pm (entrance £10). - As in previous years, Ryan's and The Eye are holding a joint party. The entrance fee is £6, and 8 DJs will be playing between the two venues until 4am.