How to start? It would have sounded slightly romantic to say,'The house of cards has tumbled'. But frankly, Spurs don't have the stability of stacked cards. It's debatable whether we even have the foundations in place. 

Line up the three little pigs, with their houses of straw, sticks and brick, alongside White Hart Lane, and the Big Bad Wolf would make straight for N17, pissing himself laughing, wondering what to have as a side dish. He needn’t worry – there’s a series of vegetables inside.

I write this in the wake (is the correct term) of the Villa defeat. In a few long weeks of turmoil, our manager has resigned out of the blue, citing first personal reasons then problems working within the management structure, and our first-six stats of DWDWDD have become a latest-six of LLLLLL.

We conceded two goals in those opening games (involving Liverpool, Newcastle and Chelsea) and scored four. The recent run offers eight goals for and 15 against (most of those scored in the North London derby).

When Arnesen and Jol were brought in, with Santini as head coach, there were few dissenting voices. It was spun as an innovative continental style system, not a rehash of Pleat/Hoddle and the old Director of Football fiasco. Santini might now demur, but any manager who deserts his club after 11 Premiership games is not going to encounter a rapt audience. Which leaves us with Jol, who has managed Waalwijk, Roda and Shev… Schevi… nope, can’t even spell that one, twice winning a Dutch ‘Coach of the Year’ award. He doesn’t have the look of a man who takes prisoners. In fact, he doesn’t have the look of a man who agrees with Christmas. (Just kidding, Mr Jol.)

‘Martin Jol today vowed that he would not change his footballing philosophy in the pursuit of results,’ began the Standard’s write-up on the eve of the Villa game. Cough.
But wait! A silver lining! … No, sorry, that was just a long satellite passing through a cloud. Really, all is not lost. Yet. Despite our position at the ankle of the Premiership. Jol and Arnesen were brought in as a partnership and now have a chance to forge that. We’re only halfway through a season of vast, overdue upheaval, and we’re still in the Carling Cup (at the time of writing, natch).

Dutch star Mark van Bommel recently ‘urged’ (according to the Mirror) Spurs to bring him to the Lane in January, though Real Madrid and Barcelona have reportedly shown interest. ‘Tottenham are a big club, a sleeping giant’, said van Bommel, possibly reading from a fairy story, ‘and I want to join them. I know Martin Jol and Frank Arnesen very well. They are good people and I really hope that something will happen.’

So do we, son. So do we.

Gardening Gifts 

By Luisa Ferrari

It’s the festive season – the opportunity to express our love and gratitude to friends and family. Choosing just the right gift needs careful consideration (nothing worse than giving the infamous ‘one fits all’ type of gift…) and time to browse in shops or catalogues. It’s a relief to realise that the world of gardening is a source of inspiring presents, even for non-gardeners.

For an original idea try the pretty range of beneficial insect houses, which look
ornamental and curious enough to entice even people with little interest in the subject to hang them outdoors. They cost from £9 and are available from Crocus (08707871414 / www.crocus.co.uk ). Children might enjoy the return of the garden gnome, especially if they have painted their own. The fun gnome kit includes a 15 cm (6 in) tall statuette, paints and brush for £5.95 and is also available from Crocus.

Ideal for anyone who spends a lot of time out doors or travelling, a wind-up radio makes the perfect gift, particularly the compact Ranger Freeplay (£35 from John Lewis) which also has an in-built solar panel and doesn’t need winding up on sunny days. To scrub away the dirt after a day in the garden try wholesome hand-made soaps with a wonderful fragrance, such as those made by the Celtic Herbal Company (£4.50 each, 01834870128 / www.celticherbs.co.uk ).

Gastronome friends will go wild for the novel grow-your own mushroom kits, £6.99 from Seeds of Italy ( 020 - 89302516 / www.seedsofitaly.co.uk ), who also offer a very interesting range of vegetable and herb seeds. The packets could be presented in smart boxes from Paperchase at around £4.50 each ( 020 - 74676200 / www.paperchase.co.uk ). Any veg grower or good cook will also appreciate a special vegetable cookbook. Two recent best - sellers are Antonio Carluccio’s Vegetables (£17) and the River Café Cookbook Green by Rose Grey and Ruth Rogers (£17.50), which deals with vegetables by season.

Finally, for the creative gardener or DIY enthusiast on a tight budget it will take no time at all to arrange a basic indoor plant in a small decorative basket sprayed with gold or silver, or even fake snow. Moss, shells or pebbles will help to disguise the plastic pot and a few well - chosen ribbons in a colour that harmonises with the flowers will complete the arrangement and give it a sophisticated designer look. Some of the best species for this purpose are miniature roses in white or red, the new variegated Kalanchoe or double flowered Calandivia, miniature cyclamens and, of course, the ubiquitous white
moth orchid.