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Disappointing season? Was it bollocks! It’s been a season that far exceeded hopes, with the occasional dash on the rocks followed by lifeboat optimism. (If I had a penny, every time I heard Spurs fans begin a sentence, ‘Well, if you’d offered me blah at the start of the…’, I’d be worth… oh, 26p. Still.) We finished fifth. We’re in the Uefa Cup, and as I said last time, that’s a decent starting point for a team that’s going to be needing an awful lot of Inter Rail passes in the coming years.

How many Tottenham Hotspur players in Sven’s England squad? Four: Robinson, Jenas, Carrick, Lennon. Defoe may still go, at the time of writing. And King’s omission is a crying shame, due to injury. How far this squad has come in just a year. Robbie Keane will always give 110 per cent – star of the season. Again. But he’s run close by Michael Carrick, who just gets better and better, Aaron Lennon, who came from nowhere (or, more specifically, Leeds) and could run rings around Jade Goody’s marathon attempt (actually, that’s a bad example), and the usual Ledley King/Paul Robinson partnership, now joined by Michael Dawson, another sensation.

I didn’t understand why we bought Jermain Jenas. Then he scored seven goals, including that free kick at Old Trafford. I still can’t understand why we bought Danny Murphy, although he’s hardly been given a chance. Tainio showed glimpses but has been injury-blighted and Davids… Though he drifted out as the season wore on, his prior influence should never be under-estimated. If he goes, he goes. I still have the mug.

OK, who still hasn’t been mentioned? Stop squirming at the back, Defoe. Stalteri and particularly Lee aren’t good enough. That gift against Man United at the Lane. We need two new full backs. Daniel Levy hasn’t let us down yet. Mido. If he weren’t as tall, he wouldn’t get a game, and height should never be a requisite for a place in this Spurs team. Finally, Jer… DEFOE! PUT THE INK PELLET DOWN. I hope he leaves. The way I see it, he plays for himself, the passion isn’t there and I’m not surprised he was overlooked for England, although I’m surprised it was by Theo Walcott, who would have a job overlooking two ladybirds humping.

And so to our manager. Every time Martin Jol comes on the screen, I smile. If I could reach in and hug him, I would. One day the technology might exist.

By Mortimer Ribbons

Eric the Drummer is an Italian session musician living in N16. It’s not a normal Italian name, and it wasn’t until I saw his dad fronting a Hendrix tribute band that I realised where it had come from – his mum must have vetoed ‘Jimi’ and settled for Eric.

We’re standing in the basement of an average Stokey house. There’s a drum-kit, the usual lumps of stuff associated with a band, and a pair of Italian sound engineers punishing a Mac. They are recording a rock opera. It’s called Silentium, and it’s been written by Eric’s dad, Mike, the guitarist. He lived in London in the 60s and 70s and put down roots here.

‘We have a very small studio, but we love it.’ Eric taps a little pattern on the soundproof plasterboard. ‘Inside is Rockwool – from Travis Perkins also. We get up, have breakfast in the garden – under the umbrella, yeah – and then straight to work. I had a job with you know this programme Pop Idol?’ Eric asks. ‘They have their own version in Vienna – equally stupid but for very good money. No I never met the people singing, I just did the drumming on the backtracks. Three hours each. Some people say you should not work for things like that because they are killing real music – which is true – but I enjoyed it.

‘Did you know White Stripes used a studio like this but maybe even smaller? Hey Davide,’ he shouts up to the booth, ‘Elephante?..In Hackney?. Si! Yes, he says it’s true. They recorded Elephant in a studio just like this in Hackney. No, you can’t say the address because the Landlord doesn’t know yet.’

I tap the soundproof plasterboard myself. I’m impressed.

‘Silentium is an imaginary history. A biologist goes to an island to find a rare shellfish before it goes extinct, and finds a composer who has gone there to seek the silence. Silence is the central mystery at the heart of the music. This is not a Musical! It is an Opera. A work of passion, written by someone who has spent 40 years playing in bands. In London every day they make another bloody musical. You would have to ask my father about the story, but he is in Italy right now. We have people from Germany also, and from Britain. Maybe 20 altogether. Maybe 15 on stage for the live performance, There are three main singers and musicians from all different backgrounds – rock, soul, funk, jazz and classical. We have the Soho String Quartet, who are a sort of Royal Academy band, and of course Hendrix is a big influence on everyone.’

‘It has been 10 months to record 29 songs, and now we are mixing them. We hope we have the double CD by the end of the summer.’ Why Stoke Newington? ‘We love it here. To tell the truth it’s more laid-back than Italy…’

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