p19
by Nicola Streeten
Petra and Simon Stokie (see past issues) have decided to leave N16 and move to an old farm
labourer's cottage (now wired for e-commerce) in Oxfordshire. Simon made serious money by
predicting millennium bug disasters. They say they are only leaving one village to find
another.
Number One
The door bell rings around mid-evening. A gap-toothed, stocky man wearing a track suit top
and dark trousers is hopping up and down on the doorstep. His face is creased with
anxiety. 'Thank God you're in', he says. 'I'm in real trouble. I've locked myself out of
the house down at the end of the road. I need twelve pounds for a mini-cab to Park Royal
to get the keys from my sister. I swear I'll pay you back tomorrow. Can you ring me a
mini-cab?'
After some hesitation and questions the cab is called and he jumps in clutching the money.
More doubts creep in and the householder calls the cab company to ask if the taxi is
really on it's way to Park Royal. The answer confirms the doubts. 'Sorry mate, you've been
ripped off. The bloke paid the driver two quid at the end of your street and got out.
We're none too happy either.'
A mobile phone has also gone missing along with the cab fare.
Two days later Bow Police Station ring to say they are holding a suspect who fits the
description of the caller. They picked him up in Stoke Newington. He had five mobiles
hidden in his underpants. They didn't mention whether he was wearing Y-Fronts or boxer
shorts.
Number Two
A unhappy looking young woman approaches a shopper in Church Street. 'Excuse me sir, I
know you're busy and don't want to talk but I've just had a terrible bust-up with my
boyfriend in the Bar Lorca. He's threatened me with violence and I need 90p to get the bus
to the Northern Line to go home. Can you help?' The shopper looks concerned and offers a
£1 coin.
Two hours later, the pair meet again. Not recognising her previous target, the woman
launches into the same sad story.
'Why? I've already given you some money', says the man.
'Yeah, well you can eff off then', she replies.
Not wishing to bang our own drum well, not much but the success of the
magazine has meant that we have had to acquire an office, and all that goes with it.
Our new address (2003) is:
PO Box 44624, London N16 5WN
phone/fax 020 7502 2532
info@n16mag.com
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