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Early evening trade was brisk in the Samuel Pepys pub in Mare
Street. People were finishing their drinks before setting off for an evening's
entertainment. They had an exciting choice within only a short walk. Just up the road at
the Hackney Empire, the Rocky Horror Show ('fast, funny, sexy' - Daily Mail) was packing
in the punters. Next door, at the Town Hall, the cast of the rocky finances show the
councillors at their monthly meeting were also ready for curtain up. A new Mayor was about
to be elected.
 Inside the council chamber, the councillors and their guests scrambled to
their feet as the mace bearer demanded that we 'be upstanding for the Mayor of Hackney,
Councillor Joe Lobenstein, MBE !' Joe, long-time scourge of socialism and now Mayor for
three successive years, entered stage right and plonked himself in the Chair. His chain of
office gleamed across his plump mayoral chest and stomach.
A military looking man, dressed like the governor-general of a small Caribbean island, sat
at the end of the platform. A councillor told me he was the Mayor's driver. In fact, he
was the Deputy Lord Lieutenant of London, paying a visit to see local democracy in action.
A fire alarm started to ring in the corridor outside. Eric Ollerenshaw, Tory leader, leapt
to his feet. Was he going to lead us to safety through the flames? No, he only wanted
propose a 30 minute adjournment to consult his group. We were mystified. What was going
on? Back to the Pepys for a quick half-pint.
The moment we had all been waiting for finally arrived. The nominations for the new Mayor.
Which dynamic, creative figure would they choose? New Mayor, New Hackney. The Liberal
Democrats nominated Councillor Howard Hyman. Who he? Then it was the turn of the Tories.
Eric rose again. 'We nominate Councillor Joe Lobenstein.' Oh no. Did we hear right? Not
again. Say it ain't so, Joe.
Don't worry, here comes Jules Pipe, leader of Labour, the largest group. Like Tony Blair,
he'll modernise us. The forces of conservatism will be blown away. We breathed again as he
launched into a eulogy about Laz Oleforo, Deputy Mayor and all-round good guy, hard
worker, dedicated and principled. Great, Laz is no loser. Cometh the hour, cometh the man.
We waited for Jules to finish.
But his last sentence began with 'however' and we blinked. Amazingly, he went on to say
the nomination of Laz would not be pursued and Labour would be backing their ancient enemy
Joe. Howard Hyman received 13 votes and Joe romped home with 37. A few Labour hands seemed
to be raised rather reluctantly.
A shout of 'Oh, Blimey, what a stitch-up!!' rang from the public gallery. A group of about
ten protesters were working themselves up into a state of noisy indignation. 'What about
the people of Hackney?!' No one in the chamber took much notice, so they started to shout
back at themselves. 'Hang your heads in shame!' they cried. 'They know no shame!' came
their reply. 'Rubbish!' they accused. 'Yes, that's what they are rubbish!' they echoed.
Obviously renewed with fresh energy and confidence, Mayor Joe told them to be quiet or be
thrown out. 'You're not allowed to touch us!' they shouted defiantly. So they threw
themselves out.
Joe made a gracious speech of acceptance his fourth in four years and said that even
though he had met the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh and Prince Charles, his favourite
people were 'Mr and Mrs Hackney.' He nominated 'my lovely wife Bella' as Lady Mayoress.
Bella smiled radiantly as Joe praised her abilities in providing sandwiches for his
guests.
The Bella effect worked miracles. Harmony broke out all around the chamber. First names
were used, political rivals were thanked and appointments shared out between the parties.
Bouquets were presented to the staff. We then adjourned to a nearby room to drink wine and
consume mountains of sandwiches.
Hackney can relax. In the first year of the new millennium our civic figurehead will
enshrine the eternal values of the past. Joe's our man. Again.
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