 A NIGHT AT
THE OPERA
If Sir Alan Sugar feels that his generosity towards the theatrical world has
not been stretched to the limit, he should consider a donation to a show that appears very
near the Hackney Empire. The monthly meeting of Hackney Council has all the rip-roaring
fun of the comic operas of Gilbert and Sullivan and - when the Mayor is featured - the
schmaltz of an Andrew Lloyd-Webber musical. It’s certainly more enjoyable than
watching Tottenham Hotspur.
There are even some elements of the most obscure plays of Harold Pinter (another
Hackney lad) when it’s impossible to understand the plot.
This month, the show was devoted to the annual budget and, more specifically, the
council tax. First on stage was Mark Williams of the Lib Dems on a ‘point of
order’. He was appalled that the agenda described him as ‘Leader of the largest
non-administration group’ when he should be termed ‘Leader of the
Opposition.’ He was slapped down by Mayor Joe Lobenstein who explained that as there
was no single Ruling Group (just a temporary ad-hoc alliance between Labour and Tories)
there could be no Official Opposition.
Mark fought back. A letter from the District Auditor had been circulated ‘only
this evening’ which was ‘an absolute disgrace’. Once again, he was brushed
aside but kept interrupting.
Mayor Joe was having none of it. ‘Councillor Williams, you claim to be a Leader,
sit down.’ ‘And you claim to be a Mayor,’ said Mark, looking rather hurt.
More points of order and the public gallery was getting restless. But the moment they had
been waiting for finally arrived. Jules Pipe, Labour Leader, strode from the wings to
recommend the proposed budget. ‘Tory, Tory!’ ‘Resign, resign!’ they
shouted. Mayor Joe spotted the ringleaders. ‘The lady in the grey garment, and you,
sir, in the blue jacket. I must ask you to desist or leave.’ Quite right, they were
very badly dressed. The front two rows of the gallery were cleared.
Back in the main show, Jules made a brief and effective speech, lapsing only into blame
mode (it’s probably compulsory) for a few remarks aimed at the past misdemeanours of
the Lib Dems. He also bashed his allies, the Tories, but didn’t sound as if he really
meant it. Anyway, he explained that the Council Tax would rise by 9.65 per cent giving a
band ‘D’ rating of £922.83. Education would be protected, there would be a real
increase in the school budgets of 5 per cent, after accounting for inflation and the
increase in teachers’ salaries.
The gallery had a new cheerleader. A posh-sounding woman in specs declaimed, ‘Do
you really have no sense of shame?’ Jules ignored her. One of his colleagues behind
him munched contentedly on what looked like a vegetarian sandwich.
Eric Ollerenshaw, the Conservative leader, was next in the spotlight. Eric is a
people’s Tory; northern no-nonsense who sounds as though he could down 14 pints
before William Hague could get out of bed. He introduced those regular non-speaking
actors, ‘Mr and Mrs Hackney,’ saying that they were the people who really
mattered. Eric said it wasn’t a perfect budget but one which enabled him to see
‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ He blamed New Labour and the Greater London
Assembly for the higher council tax but, like Jules, didn’t sound totally convinced.
The relationship between Hackney Labour and Tories seems rather like those odd couples
seen on the street - often clutching cans of special brew - who shout violently at each
other in public but who probably have amazing sex in private. They will turn on anyone who
comes between them.
Mark was back again and, singing in harmony with his Lib Dem colleague, Councillor
Andrew Bridgewater, tabled an alternative budget. It wasn’t very alternative. They
proposed bringing down band ‘D’ to £893.74, a cut of £29 a year. Green
Councillor Chit Chong submitted an amendment calling for money to go towards waste
minimisation’. Some of the savings on the Council’s £8.1 million overhead costs
should help fund the Primrose Day Care Centre for the Elderly, he said.
The evening continued, with contributions from all sides, under the beady gaze of the
show’s director, Hackney boss Max Caller. Councillor Pearson kept up his noisy
comments during other people’s renditions. He is the Mr Angry of the Lib Dems and
seems to genuinely dislike his political opponents.
Eventually, the budget was passed - without a rousing finale - and the curtain fell.
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